Memories of Grief

I've dealt with hard things in my life a child of divorce single parent raised lack of money going without. Single motherhood unwell hubby teenagers ..now thats not easy mental illness within family but the hardest one of all is grief especially when it's someone close to you in.my case it was my eldest child something you never want to deal with or wish on anyone ever but it's a part of life a hard heart wrenching destructive unbelievable grief it was 7 yrs ago last March. she was 28 she had 6 kids 2 older have really felt this even today their emotional mental states have been raw she overdosed the silly girl our hearts broke I was woken by heavy knocking on door at 1.30 am by police telling me she had padded away I feared door knocking for years ...now living in a bus takes that one panic away but the fear of grief is still with me. I never want to have that pain again Once I was afraid of death now I'm not it's just grief that scares me as I know how hard that is to move thru the pain is all encompassing you can't sleep you wake in shock when you do get to shut your eyes . I had no choice but to keep doing normal things I had her 6 kids to care for . to take to school to shop to just keep breathing and I sobbed while driving while waiting in the car when showering every part of my life held me in grief but one thing I could do was keep breathing ..I did it deeply often and I kept going it's all any of us can do when in that place . The aftermath wasn't easy fortunately my 2nd daughter my rock organised everything Her ashes are with me still. I hope to have jewellery made one day for her babies. I think of her with love after I got thru disappointment and anger... I'm dealing with teens I'm angry about that as teen years are not easy as you all know and even more when there is mental issues for 2 off then to deal with. And I still have those crying days. for those dealing with grief breath deeply and often cry as long and as much as you need to your grief is your own your grief time is your own. Talk about them as much as you want to get support just keep going and live life to the fullest one day someone will grieve for you but make happy memories for them to remember thru their grief lots of love Nelly